I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
