After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
