And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how can u be prego again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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