I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
did you just send me my own nude
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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