just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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