think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
