I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
