By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
