if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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