I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
