you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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