I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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