the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
