It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
