If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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