her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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