Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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