I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
