So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
