guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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