I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
