His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
