she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
