Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
