How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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