I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
