Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
