Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
