when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
