Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
