Pants 0. Shit 1.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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