pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
