my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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