I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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