i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
