My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We are two peas in an std pod
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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