No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
