Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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