I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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