so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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