Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
