So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
