I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
