He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
