That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
