i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
