dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
