She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
