i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My cat gives me a boner
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
