and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
