Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
