Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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