Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had to cum in my sink.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
